The leader’s odyssey to rediscovery
Humans are designed to learn.
Growth mindsets, programs devoted to learning and development, insatiable thirsts for knowledge (thank you internet).
Most, if not all, the executives we work with on a daily basis say one of their goals is to continue to sharpen their skills and stay relevant in an ever-changing environment. We hear a version of this more days than we don’t.
Learning is a top priority for everyone, but we all learn differently. Unfortunately, most educational systems don't give us options for how we learn, or context for why what we're learning matters.
The problem: the system is not built for it.
A Broken System
It's no secret the school system is broken. As we get further and further away from the industrial era, the effects are impossible to ignore. We’ve prioritized the right answer over learning.
I'm not making a comment about our educators. What they do is incredibly important, powerful, and their profession is one of the most if not the most underappreciated profession out there.
What I am saying is that it's no surprise to me that so many executives are 10, 20, 30+ years into their career and saying, WTF?
It Starts with School
School is built around strict processes. Most schools have everyone learn the same thing at the same time the same way. But that's just not how people learn. It’s counterintuitive and we all know it.
In most American schools (not all), an artist is told they're a failure even before they're given the opportunity to create. Entrepreneurs are told they're "disobedient" and made to believe they won't be successful if they don’t follow the rules. Art and math are separated, even though they are fundamentally linked. You can’t have one without the other.
Children are told they need to know the pythagorean theorem without having the foggiest notion as to why. Frankly, in my day-to-day, I don’t know why I need to know a2 + b2 = c2.
I hated this process when I went through it and now, as a mother of two, I think I may hate it even more. Is this really the best we have to offer future generations? The best we have to offer the children we would die for? But I digress.
There is no connection between what we’re studying and why. Note, I don’t say “learning” here for a reason - it’s what we’re studying. This terrible habit sticks with us and is close to impossible to shake. And, I believe, we can no longer avoid ignoring its effects.
Toxic Competition
Schools are set up to instill competition and reward “the best and the brightest”. There are star students, valedictorians, honors programs all designed to encourage children to compete instead of collaborate. Competition is valued while collaboration is given lip service.
Guess what? There is a direct reflection of this in the business world. Employee of the month, company retreats for those who hit their goals, promotions and bonuses based on reviews (checklists), and of course the dreaded PIP.
What does this create? Me vs them. Us vs them. Everyone is battling against each other for projects, budget, staff… you get it.
“The secret to high performance isn’t rewards and punishments, but that unseen intrinsic drive- the drive to do things for their own sake. The drive to do things because they matter.” Daniel Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us.
When we remove the “why” or the purpose behind projects, we need reward and punishment systems. When we give people purpose we only need to get out of the way.
What if we encouraged our direct reports to choose the projects they work on and showed them how their projects are supporting the efforts of the whole - show them their impact. What if we celebrated failures by showing what we learned in the effort, not the outcome?
Validating External Validation
Further damaging is not only that we have unrealistic and misplaced expectations for children, but also that the system rewards people who are, frankly, unremarkable. It’s no surprise to me that corporate America is riddled with MBAs and then wonders why innovation is so damn difficult.
When you’re conditioned to think your value is a number or letter on a report card (or employee review) you’re freely giving up on what you think success looks like and handing that over on a silver platter for someone else to tell you what success looks like.
Drawing You In
Let’s step back just for a moment to understand how this all ties to burnout, depression, and a lack of fulfillment.
You’ve survived the doldrums of the education system, where you’ve learned that other people’s expectations matter more than your own. Now you’re set free onto the job market. This is a make or break moment.
Are you frozen in fear and unable to think outside of what your manager tells you to do? Or, for most of our clients, for the first time, you have the opportunity to have fun learning!
If you’re lucky enough to land a job where you’re allowed to experiment, fail, and practically learn, you’re likely blown away at how fun work can be. You are sucked into the joys of understanding what learning and working look like AND you’re drawing a paycheck.
Congratulations, you’re learning, enjoying it, and getting paid to do it!
Be careful. This is the first step into the trap. It’s easy to be blinded by positive external validation. Mostly because that’s where you’ve been conditioned to get your value and you’ve been starved for.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard from people in the first 5ish years of their career, “I don’t care what I’m making as long as I’m learning.”
Now fast forward. After a few years, you’re likely promoted to manager or director where you no longer have “the time” to learn. You’re so busy and bolstered by the external validation, that you don’t even notice.
Things change as you climb the ladder. Innovation is likely met with so many hurdles and so much resistance that you’re conditioned to fall in line. What happens? You burn out, lose faith in the process, and begin to shift your value from education, learning, and joy to money.
Money is the most powerful external validation.
The job is no longer about purpose, it’s about how much money you make. This is where we often hear, “I’ve paid my dues, now it’s time for me to bring in the real money.”
I get it. External factors come into play. You’re building a family. Heath issues pop up. You have a mortgage (or want one)... you name it. The golden handcuffs are real.
At this point you may seek additional certifications to scratch the learning itch. Hell, your employer will likely pay for them so why not. Be careful you’re not falling into the trap of studying to know the answers, instead of critically thinking and learning how to navigate challenges to find their solutions. When you think of learning as certifications and checking boxes, what are you really learning?
Don’t misinterpret. Again, I’m not saying that further professional learning/development/certifications are not valuable. I’m simply questioning why you think you need these things. I can tell you no certification has landed anyone their dream career - they did this through many factors; certification may have played a role, but you are more than a certificate. A certification alone will get you nowhere (in most cases). Again, I digress.
But you may say, “Meagan, I’ve already learned everything there is to learn in my career.” I have heard this before. No. You’re thinking tactically. If there is nothing left to learn tactically, find a hobby, or grow your leadership skills. Just never stop being driven to learn. When you’re not in the habit of working out you don’t work out. When you’re not in the habit of learning, you watch tv or run to social media. You are comfortable in your boredom and rewarded by the paycheck. Enter burn out.
Experience and Ego
Fast forward to today. You’re a VP or C-Suite executive (or perhaps you’ve hit a plateau at Sr. Director). You’re drawing a large paycheck, leading a team where you find most of your fulfillment and likely think you’re shifting from learning to leading in a meaningful way. That’s what progress looks like. Your perceived value is in the experience you’ve gained. Failure is too large of a risk. And the excitement of learning is forgotten.
Experience, in the hands of ego, is a crutch and an excuse to stop learning.
Slow down and follow this train of thought.
Your value is in your experience. It’s in what you’ve done, in what you’ve already learned. Not what you do with that experience. Interview questions only reinforce this thinking. “Tell me about a time when…” or “tell me about yourself…” sound familiar?
You’ve seen it before. You’ve been through that before. This is what you did in the past.
Don’t get me wrong, experience is important. You’ve earned it! But are you blinded by your experience? Are you slipping back into what you were taught and separating tasks and curiosity. For example, do you feel the need to prove your expertise by diving into the weeds, do you feel you have to be the smartest person in the room because you have more experience? Or do you listen with pure curiosity, do you allow others to explore solutions with you, do you hold space for those who report to you and those you report to?
Another example, are you annoyed when things aren’t going your way, and instead of finding solutions you say something to the effect of, “they never listen.” You give up before you even start because your experience tells you to.
This line of thinking is a continuation of honor students vs “others”. It’s a competition for who is right instead of a collaboration for how we all can be right.
Consider, “they never listen because I’m not communicating in a way for them to understand.” In this recognition there is so much to be learned. It moves you from a victim mentality to a real leader.
The WTF Moment
Your first job gives you purpose, context, a crash course in what it really means to learn, and of course a paycheck. It comes with external validation from your new boss to your family and friends.
“We’re so proud of you.” Or maybe it’s a big F’ you to everyone who didn’t believe in you.
And damn it if you’re not internally validated because this is the path you have been on your entire career. As a child (yes, even a 20 year old) you pick a career that you don’t actually understand. Instead of being allowed to really explore and understand what you enjoy and value, you pick something you were likely externally validated into believing you’re good at (or believing you’ll make a lot of money).
You’re swept away by purpose and cash. And as you climb the ladder, purpose and real-world learning fade so that you begin to associate your value with a paycheck. 15+ years in, you're jaded by experience and ego, and wake up one day to realize the ladder you were climbing was against the wrong building. WTF.
The Path Forward
Shift your thinking from learning for survival to remembering what it’s like to learn and have fun.
Get uncomfortable - really uncomfortable. Growth only exists in this space.
We’re not learning how to stay alive in the desert or jungle anymore. We have the luxury to learn for enjoyment. The system is set up to make you believe you’re still learning for survival. So let me tell you, you are safe. You are safe to explore what matters to you. You are safe to find your happiness. You are safe to empower others to find their happiness.
This doesn’t mean you have to go crazy. Small steps forward will get you there. Instead of “zoning out” after work, explore what makes you happy! Have those difficult conversations that you want to avoid because they make you uncomfortable.
Unlearn automatic habits (conditioning), remove entitlement (competition), and abandon the terrible practice of knowing the answer (ego).
I say all of this as someone who had their ladder against the wrong building for almost 20 years. Someone who is extremely competitive and finds external validation to be as addicting as the strongest drug. If I can walk away from this cycle, I assure you, you can too.
You are a leader. You are the very person who can help break this cycle.
